Two Dudes Stab Each Other on New Year’s Day

As you get older, there aren’t many days that you’re able to stay up until 5 in the morning before going to bed anymore. 

Firstly, you’re going to feel awful for a few days because you’re up because you drank. Secondly, you’re old now, you should be going to bed at a reasonable time, like 10 p.m.

THIRDLY, if you stay up this late and you’re over the age of 35, you may start stabbing your friends. 

Two Forks Township relatives are being charged following an alleged stabbing early Sunday at a township home.

Charged are Thomas Ostrander, 39, of the 2400 block of Clairmont Avenue, and William Coyle, 38, of the 1300 block of Mohawk Lane.

Officers were dispatched at 5:40 a.m. to Coyle’s home for a report of a woman’s brother and husband stabbing each other. The caller told police both were bleeding heavily in the stomach and “highly intoxicated,” according to court records.

Police found several people in the driveway who were uncooperative in the investigation. When an officer entered the home, Ostrander allegedly charged at him, pushed him and yelled, “Who the f— are you?” SOURCE: The Express-Times

Still though, it’s fun to be up that late/early (not when you’re stabbing someone obviously, but just because it makes the world we live in seem a bit more of the absurd that it truly is.

Have you ever been up so late that you’ve gone home and seen someone else going to work? It’s one of those weird moments in life where you feel ashamed, but also proud at the same time.

You’re ashamed because you should be, you irresponsible dolt. But, you’re proud because you had fun until 6 in the morning.

Now get some sleep.